


And We Can Pretend

by sewer_seance



Category: Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
Genre: Canon Setting, Drabble, M/M, Realization, bitter sweet, canon events, hyrdoplane, kind of sad, too late
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-28 22:24:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17795867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sewer_seance/pseuds/sewer_seance
Summary: The moments that Nick and Jay realized they loved each other and the moments they realized the other loved them back





	And We Can Pretend

It was the morning after the party that Nick first knew he was in love. Really, truly in love. Gatsby’s smile was just as dazzling in the daylight as it was surrounded by the glimmering stars.   
“Hello Old Sport!” He called out, patting the hydroplane enthusiastically, “Glad you took me up on my offer!” Nick nodded lamely, that radiant smile hindering his intellect.

So it wasn’t just the rush of alcohol, or the road of the party that had altered his emotions so severely the night before. It was Gatsby, in his grand simplicity. Nick, now with a sober mind, could see that. He wasn’t a genius, but he had seen love before, knew how it was supposed to feel. This was it. Yesterday, he had thought maybe it was Jordan that made his heart hammer until he dropped off to sleep. But Jordan wasn’t here and his heart was still thundering. He hoped that Gatsby wouldn’t hear it as he approached.

“Steeeep right up!” Gatsby imitated a carnival barker as he opened the door to the hydroplane. Nick laughed, silently cursing the (in his mind) school girl giggle.

Nick could always dream but he knew it was ludicrous to actually hope that Jay might return his affections. Anyone could see how lost in love he was with Daisy. He would just have to resign himself to live with the fact. But to see Jay smile and know that he had some part in creating his joy, that was enough for him. As much as it ate away at him, if he couldn’t be with the person he wanted, the least he could do was grant that dream for Gatsby. Even if he wasn’t in the dream.

He never expected that Jay would love him back. But he did suspect. Just once. It happened on that night, that moonless night, death heavy over the bay. For all he was worth, he tried to get Gatsby to leave, to escape. It would be hell, not to see him or be with him, but Gatsby would be safe. Safe from punishment. Safe from the Buchanans. Safe from himself. Jay had something other in mind. When those eyes hit him, those eyes shaken by fear and uncertainty, and he heard the softest whisper, as if scared of rejection, for Nick to wait up with him, what else could he do? He was slave to those eyes since that first morning in the hydroplane.

Still, he never knew for certain. It was in the way Gatsby lingered with him, let everything out. Everything. Nick couldn’t help but pretend he saw Gatsby’s eyes lingering, or his delicate smile directed to him when he thought Nick wasn’t looking. He cursed the morning light, turning the bay a gentle pink and he cursed what it meant: that he would have to leave. It crushed him walking out that gate. Crushed him to know that Jay still didn’t know. He had born his soul to Nick and here he was, walking away. Jay needed to know. So he paused and turned back to gaze up to his neighbor, crowned in morning glory. It was enough to turn his throat to sandpaper and stop his heart.

“They’re a rotten crowd!” He shouted, pushing past the crack in his voice, “Your worth the whole damn bunch put together!”

A slow smile broke across the gentleman’s face, more radiant and brilliant than any summer sun could ever be. And Nick could pretend, just for one night, that Gatsby loves him back.

* * *

 

  
The afternoon had been rainy, and Gatsby had been in a panic. All his plans were unraveling. As if he weren’t already in a tizzy. It was this afternoon, ironically enough, that Gatsby first knew he was in love. Not with Daisy, no. Seeing her was a thrill, all adrenaline and nerves and Oh God I’m going to be sick. It was Nick, his Old Sport of all people, who calmed him down. He found peace in the gray of Nick’s eyes that wasn’t to be had in the gray outside. His gentle smile, a thumbs up, the promise of support. Later that night in his library, Gatsby would look up the difference between infatuation and love. Then he knew for sure. Really truly. He was in love.

  
Gatsby first new that Nick Carraway loved him in the growing morning light. That night, that godless night, was only made better by Nick. Lost as a child without a mother and just as scared, Gatsby asked Nick to wait up with him, and he did. All night, he let Jay talk, let him forget that he was Jay Gatsby whose car had killed a woman, even for just a few hours. Jay told him everything: from his dirt poor beginnings, to Louisville, how sometimes the war still kept him up late at night, and Nick listened. Listened until the soft morning light broke out in full force over the bay.

“I haven’t used that pool once all summer,” he remarked to his Old Sport, “Let’s take a swim!”

“I have to go Jay.” Though it saddened him to see Nick go, he relished the remorse in Nick’s voice.

But through the whole night, and all they had discussed, it wasn’t until their parting that Gatsby knew.

He watched Nick walk away but at the line of their properties, he paused, shoulders tensed in thought. They loosened as he turned and shouted, “They’re a rotten crowd! You’re worth the whole damn bunch put together!” His face was serious as he said it, nodding once after he was done, certain of his proclamation. It was in that moment that Gatsby knew that Nick Carraway loved him back. 

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentines Day! Have my tears.   
> I’ve had this Drabble On the back burner for months now and realized I never posted it. I’m still going over some chapter with my beta for And They Were Roommates but they’re coming out soon! (And yes, that was plural!)


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